the lights that shine through

possible trigger warning, please continue reading at your own discretion. 

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the light that shines through

 

i love nothing more than the night skies,

angelic darkness and twinkling stars winking at me like a wise, old soul,

telling me that everything will be alright.

i wish for nothing more than to keep even one window open to hear the soft sounds of the night, so they can lull me to sleep,

see the things of the night that no one else sees so they can visit me in my dreams,

a secret between me and midnight,

but since i was just a girl i was told, ‘Mija, if you keep your curtain open then they will see you at night, they will climb up the ladder of your dreams so they can catch a peak of you changing into your Cinderella pajamas.’

if your curtains fall open just a tiny, sneaking inch, then when the cars drive past they will let their lights shine through into your room,

so all the peeping toms of the neighborhood can catch a glance of your sleeping face,

looking calm for once in your life because in your dreams you don’t have to worry about the registered sex offender on your street,

or the three registered sex offenders on your best friends street,

or the five registered sex offenders on your other best friends street

the lights from the cars cast shadows into your room that form into the man your mother told you about when you were six and you couldn’t understand why someone wanted to see you while you slept, while you were stuck in a vulnerable coma of candy land and sugar plums,

and now that you’re twenty-three, living on your own, you close your curtains but forget to triple check that they’re closed all the way,

and the next thing you know car lights are shining through to you and you’re six years old again wearing your princess pj’s and you call out for your mom,

but all you get in a response is a grown mans hand holding a rag against your face that smells like a

flowery,

sickly sweetly,

chemically smell,

and suddenly your eyes flutter shut and you no longer worry about the lights that shine through from the night skies

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