depression.

featured image via Panna Bagoly 

depression.

It’s time to talk about something very serious and something that isn’t talked about as much as it should be.
Depression.
Just that 10 letter word can scare some people and cause them anxiety. It may even instantly bring flashbacks of some dark times. If it doesn’t – I’m truly happy for you, because that means you didn’t have to go through this.
I have GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) ever since I remember existing, and still suffer with it to this day. It doesn’t have a cure and I know I’m going to have to live with this for the rest of my life. One thing that has to be taken into account – and that took me years to realise- is that the fact that I’m going to live with this forever doesn’t necessarily mean that I have to let my disorder define me or my actions. It doesn’t have to take over my life.
If you suffer from anxiety just like me, let me tell you that there’s plenty of ways of getting help. You don’t have to suffer in silence, nor should you. That isn’t healthy and will only make the big monster that is anxiety grow more and more as time goes by.
When we decide to stay in silence, to keep our thoughts to ourselves, to silently cry every night under the duvet… that’s when anxiety decides to call a friend of his. Depression.
I have no doubts that to some this might come as a surprise: the fact that anxiety actually affects people that much and the fact that anxiety walks hand in hand with depression most times.
Suffering from anxiety doesn’t mean you’re always going to be depressed, but if the disorder isn’t treated as it should if the person suffering doesn’t seek for help, that black and chunky monster will most likely make its way into the body and start messing with the mind.
I’ll give my personal experience as an example.
Like I previously said, I’ve lived with my disorder ever since I remember existing, and it has been a terribly hard battle to fight.
My anxiety has made it extremely difficult for me to make new friendships, to speak in front of a crowd, to ask for a drink in a bar… but there was one year when I was 12 years of age when things were different.
I knew that what I was feeling wasn’t just anxiety.
In 2012 I started doubting myself. And when I wasn’t doubting myself, or even actually feeling good about myself one day, when night time approached, I’d always find myself crying in my bedroom and listening to sad songs.
That summer I fell out of some friendships and was struggling a lot with my self-confidence. It came to the point where I looked at myself in the mirror and wanted to cry due to how I looked, my appearance. I looked at all my friends in their swimwear, so confident and beautiful, just to look down at my tummy and wish it wasn’t that big.
The friendships I had slowly fell apart thanks to my “friends” constantly making little remarks about my tastes and sometimes even how I looked or what I wore. They made fun of me, whether I was around or not. It made me feel little in comparison to them, and many were the days and nights when I cried because their words kept playing in my mind like a broken record.
That was when the depression started. It started slowly, with my self doubt, then it escalated to seeing the ones who were once by my side walk past me and not even say a word, or laugh.
This all happened during Summer, that time of the year where you’re supposed to have no worries, to enjoy those three months to the fullest, to have fun… but I wasn’t doing that. I remember that many were the days when after lunch I’d go to my room and cry.
I was sad every single day and rare were the times I could plaster a smile across my face.
My elder sister and mom were extremely preocuppied with my condition and even told me multiple times I should try and see a therapist. But my answer was always no. At 12 years of age, I was one of those that thought “only the crazy or really sick ones need to see a therapist”. It makes me cringe that I actually thought like that. Silly me!
But I did end up going to see a therapist. I only made that decision because one of my sister’s friends had a conversation with me. He told me he knew how I was feeling, because my sister had shared her worries for me with him. That made my heart hurt and that was when I started crying. I still have this episode very present on my mind. I cried for a solid hour, listening to everything our friend had to say and tried to explain what I was feeling. If you have dealt/are dealing with depression, you know how hard it is to explain what you’re going through when sometimes not even you understand.
It was by the end of that conversation that I made up my mind. I was, indeed, going to see a therapist.
As soon as school started in September I started seeing my school’s therapist.
I was there every week for two years. It helped! It really did, and that’s no lie. If you think that talking to a stranger won’t help – you’re wrong. Sometimes talking to someone who doesn’t know a single thing about you is just what you need. You won’t feel judged.
I stopped the therapy sessions because I was better. So much better. My confidence had grown a bit and my anxiety was more controllable. And the depression? It wasn’t there anymore.
I’m trying to be as raw and truthful as I can. So I will say that maybe the decision myself and the therapist made wasn’t the best. I shouldn’t have left Therapy. I should’ve kept going every week, even if I only went to talk to her about my day!
But I didn’t and things were good for a good couple of months! Maybe a year.
But there’s something people need to understand about anxiety and depression: it comes and goes.
And that’s what happened to me. Depression eventually came back, and I was back to crying alone in my room, to doubting myself, comparing my figure to others… But I didn’t go back to Therapy. I dealt with it myself – and that made me grow into a much stronger person.
I should’ve dealt with those two monsters by myself? No, I shouldn’t and I don’t think it is recommendable. But was by my own that I learnt to deal with my anxiety in situations no one was going to be able to help me. It was like I injected some postivity into my brain.
Now, if you’re going through one of these dark phases and haven’t gone and look for help, I don’t want in any way to encourage you to stay that way. Please do seek for help. Talk to someone, whether that is one of your parents, a therapist, a friend… someone you know that’s going to listen and try to understand you. Someone that’s going to be there for you along the way.
Anxiety walks hand in hand with me everyday, and it doesn’t matter if I want it to hold my hand or not, because it’s tied and glued. It won’t leave, but I’ve learnt to deal with it. To control it.
One thing I still have to quite learn to deal with is my depression. It’s the monster that still scares me every time it appears.
If you’re dealing with depression, please don’t let it spread. I can’t stress enough the fact that you should look for a Therapist, seek for help and take care of yourself.
We are all unique in our way (no matter how cheesy that sounds) and we’re all worth it. We were all put into this planet with a purpose and if you haven’t, you’ll eventually find yours.
Depression isn’t just feeling sad. The word is actually thrown around like something with litte significance, when in reality it is something very serious and complicated.
Depression can start with people doubting themselves, to hate the way they look, the way they speak, the way they walk. People think no one cares for them, “no one would miss me if I just disappeared”. People are going through a very delicate and storng pain, and gain pleasure from causing even more hurt to themselves, because they feel like they deserve it. Depression leads to anxiety, to suicide… Depression isn’t a joke and it sure isn’t something to be used as a joke. It’s an illness that just keeps on getting more current in our society and it needs to be taken in count just as seriously as other illnesses.
We have to raise awareness for mental health. People who suffer with any sort of mental health illness have to feel comfortable talking to someone, have to understand that they’re not alone. And in our generation, I think we still have a long way to go for people to feel like that.
If you suffer with depression and have an anxiety disorder/panic attacks or any sort of mental illness I just want you to know that you’re not alone, ok? You’re not. There’s a way out of all this mess and even though it won’t disapeear and will always be a part of you it doesn’t have to define you. It doesn’t define you. Just like my therapist once told me “You are not your disorder”.
No matter how hard it might be to understand this and believe it, everything is going to be fine, eventually. You just have to treat yourself.
Us humans are like plants. We have to keep on watering ourselves in order to keep flourishing and keep on getting healthier and healthier!
I know that my words aren’t going to cure anyone, and that that are some that might feel confused or frustrated because the depression they’re going through isn’t exactly like this. But I hope most of you find some smiliarities in my story and understand that it is possible to get better and that seeking for help is crucial. It’s that click we have to take in order to start the journey that is trying to make that huge black monster get out of our body and mind. It is possible, and you can do it.
I’d love to hear some of your stories and to help in any way that I can.
Feel free to leave a comment down below telling me your story and journey living with anxiety, depression or both. Who knows maybe there’ll be people who read it and identify themselves?
If you relate to any comment, why not reply and spread a little positivity?
I’d love to read your stories and try to contribute with my words as much as I can.
And always remember: you’re not your disorder, you’re not your depression – these things don’t define you. You are a human that needs to be taken care of and that needs to be watered in order to keep on flourishing. You are unique and needed in this world. Stay strong and remember that nothing’s impossible. You’ll fight this battle and kick anxiety/depression in the ass. I believe in you!

Kendall and Kylie Jenner: the t-shirt drama.

Kendall and Kylie Jenner released new Merchandise on the ___ of June 2017 for their Kendall + Kylie brand.
The new merch consisted of t-shirts that had iconic artists on them, like Ozzy Osbourne, Tupac and the doors, amongst others…. and on top of the images of the artists the shirts had the faces of both sisters superimposed.
But the pictures used on the merch were trademarked, which means they can’t be used unless you ask for permission. There would be no bad in this if the sisters had asked for permission to use the trademarked pictures that are printed on the shirts. But they didn’t. And in order to use tradermarked images people need the consent from the owners and they did not ask for it.
The artists and their families, when warned about this episode, were quick to express their feelings via Twitter:

After the backlash the Merchandise was taken off sale since the young Jenners were being threatened with lawsuits. To apologize for the situation, both girls published the same statement on their Twitter accounts:

kylie

 

 

Friday, Michael Miller filed a copyright infringement lawsuit due to the fact that the sisters did not ask for his permission to use the two pictures that he took of Shakur that are stamped on the shirts and is demanding receipt of any profits they made off the shirts.
Miller said declared he never gave permission for his work to be used in this Merchandise and “is demanding receipt of any profits they made off the shirts”.
As an answer to Michael Miller’s lawsuit, a representative for the brand Kendall + Kylie, Todd Wilson has said that the lawsuit is “absurd and misguided”, since even though the sisters approved the design, they aren’t the ones responsible for the technical details and issues of legality.The statement released from the brand says that the shirts with Tupac’s images were “obtained from a company that had a valid license to sell them”. Besides, the statement declares Miller’s lawsuit as “baseless”: released a statement saying that the shirts with Tupac’s image were “obtained from a company that had a valid license to sell them”. Besides, the statement declares Miller’s lawsuit “baseless”.
“The allegations made are completely false and the lawsuit is baseless. There has been no infringement or violation of anyone’s rights.”

not big
Each shirt was $125, but only two of them were sold, says LOS ANGELES, Kendall and Kylie’s fashion label.
Concurrently, these controversial shirts served as inspiration for Arcade Fire’s recent merch, which is composed by a picture of Kendall and the band’s logo superimposed.
Arcade Fire are donating the profit from their Merchandise to Partners in Health, which is a non-profit organisation that works to improve the health of poor and marginalised people across the world.
Seems like this messy situation is far from over and that the famous sisters are going to have to deal with some consequences.
What do you think about all of this? Which side are you on? Do you think that the Merchandise was disrespectful? Do you think Kendall and Kylie even thought about the consequences their act was going to have?
Leave your opinions down below!

 

a n x i e t y attack.

seconds seem like hours
hours seem like seconds
my hands tremble
my hands are numb
my heart aches
my heart hurts
please, make this stop
it doesn’t stop
it won’t stop
this is forever
“this is intertwined with you” my mind shouts
my inner voice shouts at my own head
pleads for this to come to an end
this is unbearable
why is everyone looking at me?
why am i sweating so much?
why is this room so light? someone turn the lights out.
oh my god, i’m going to die!
we’re all going to die someday
i don’t want to die.
someone reaches out to me
grabs my hand,
i freeze.
i look at the person in front of me and i know they’re speaking
i can’t hear anything
my ears are buzzing
i’m yearning for this to come to an end
no one understands
no one knows how this feels
tears stream down my cheeks
the person in front of me reaches out to me with a cup of water
i grab it
half of the liquid pours out the cup into my jeans
a cold feeling
this feels good within the fire my body is in
my hands are still shaking
i grab the pill the person has in their hand and put it in my mouth
i grab the cup and take a sip, shaking
the room isn’t light
my ears aren’t buzzing as much
my hands aren’t shaking as much as i lay in bed
my heart isn’t beating at a thousand miles per second
it isn’t aching
my head’s aching now
my eyes feel heavy
i close them
i let out a deep, shaky breath.
time for my body and mind to rest
tomorrow is another day
my a n x i e t y doesn’t define me
i’m not my illness
tomorrow is going to be a better day…
tomorrow is going to be a better day.

The Few, The Proud and the Emotional – Passion for music.

There’s people that think music can’t save anyone. There’s people that think music can’t save anyone. Well, let me tell you that it can. Teenagers nowadays are very dedicated to music. We spend most of our days with our earphones plugged in, listening to our favorite songs, to those that make us feel happy and that can make an horrible day feel a bit better. Music truly does have that power over us humans.We constantly have our parents, other relatives or maybe even friends moaning at us for listening to so much music, for constantly wanting to go to concerts and for wanting to always get our hands on those physical copies of albums we love.

For those who don’t understand why we listen to so much music?

⦁ This generation suffers with a lot of anxiety, depression and various illnesses. We all need a get away, right? Some people watch movies and eat ice cream when they’re not feeling their best – some happen to listen to music; some people like the silence and prefer to go on a drive with the radio off – some happen to have the habit of always turning the radio on as soon as they step foot on the car and put the volume at its highest. Everyone has different always of dealing with moments of happiness, sadness and everything that’s in between… why should music be considered such a foolish way of coping? It isn’t any different from going to a therapist. There’s people that can recover from whatever dark place they find themselves in by listening to their favorite band and attending one of their concerts, just like there’s people that do need therapy and music isn’t even an option. That has to do with how dark the place is and with the personality of the person.

For those who roll their eyes at how we always want to go to concerts? We must be brats, right? Well, I actually roll my eyes at those who think like that.

⦁ Speaking in general, of course, us music lovers don’t just want to go to concerts to simply post an Instagram afterwards and show that we were actually there. The majority of us wants to go to a concert – needs to go to a concert – because that band or that artist really did change our lives and helped us in a way. Yeah, might sound crazy to some, but music can be a lifesaver. I’ll speak for myself. 2014 wasn’t a good year for me. I wasn’t in a good state mentally, with depression still crawling its way around my body and not wanting to let go and anxiety always holding my hand along the way. One thing that kept me going that year and that truly made me genuinely happy? The fact that I was seeing one of my favorite bands live in a stadium. When the day came, I was the happiest. I was at my best. Life simply could not get any better! That concert still holds a very special place in my heart because I feel like I left most of my sorrow and sad feelings there. I cried during the majority of the show, due to the high level of happiness I was in. You know when people say that sometimes all you need is a good cry? Well, I had my good cry in a stadium, listening to some of my favorite songs being played live, whilst screaming the lyrics and feeling like I was on cloud nine.

Why do we still get physical copies of albums? There’s iTunes, Apple Music, Spotify… right?

⦁ Let me just roll my eyes once again, ok? Thanks.

 Just like there’s people that like to go shopping and actually try clothes before buying them, there’s those who like to do their shopping while seating in the sofa. Applying it to this situation: just like there’s people who like to get the album via iTunes, there’s those who prefer to run to a CD store and get the physical copy. To touch the masterpiece they love or already know they’re going to love.

So, it’s a matter of taste, really.

Don’t be so quick to judge and don’t stay ridiculous stuff like “how can a band/artist, someone that you never even met (in some cases this can’t even be said) have saved you?” because music actually does save people and brings a crazy amount of happiness.

Music has helped me overcome some dark phases and it is my great escape when I’m not feeling at my best or even when I’m the happiest!

For example, you have no idea how long it took for me to write all of this. It’s easy for people to think these publications are written very quickly and easily. That everything just flows. And, ok, that is true at times – most of the time. But there’s also those days, weeks, even months when my  mind just stops… Writers block. One of the worst things to exist! I mean, I’m already pretty messed up up there, why did I have to be “blessed” with such thing as a block?! A block that doesn’t let me express my emotions through words?

Basically, I was going through writers block before writing this, even though I had settled four pretty good ideas for four different articles. I couldn’t write down more than a phrase for each one… that was, untl I decided to just sit with my computer on my lap, plug in my earphones and play one of my favorite bands’ songs to help me with this process.

So, thank you Twenty One Pilots for helping me write all of this in an hour when I thought I wouldn’t be able to write anything for a month or so. Wouldn’t be the first time!

TOP have immensely helped me with my anxiety and sad thoughts. I discovered this band in 2015 and it truly was one of the best things that’s happened to me! Whenever I’m feeling more anxious, when something really is pissing me off, when I want to cry, when I want to shout lyrics at the top of my lungs I just play their songs on shuffle.

I wish more people actually understood the meaning behind their songs, even though it might be taken as a good thing that some people don’t understand, since that means they never had to go through any sort of mental illness. Their songs aren’t all directed to this subject but I do interpret most of them as being so. But, like they say in one of their songs (“Message Man”) from their latest album Blurryface, “these lyrics aren’t for everyone only few understand”, it’s for “the few, the proud and the emotional” (Fairly Local).

I hope that those who didn’t understand us music addicts and lovers that well now do… even if that’s just a tiny bit. And if you’re just like me, see – you’re not alone! And if one more person tells you something that upsets you or makes you feel like you’ve shrinked in size due to your love and dedication (healthy dedication!) just try to educate them. Explain why you love music so much and why it has a big meaning to you. Expand their horizons! Now go blast some music and be happy.

The Manchester Tragedy.

Monday the 22nd of May, 2017.

Ariana Grande’s Dangerous Woman Tour comes to Manchester, UK – Manchester Arena.
Millions of girls and boys, all ages, had countdowns on their phones, so excitedly waiting for the day that they’d finally see their idol: someone who’s helped them with personal issues, someone whose songs make them feel overjoyed.

Someone who’s helped a lot without even understanding  it to the full extent.

The concert starts. Everyone is having the time of their lives! They’re seeing their role model, their idol, their happiness  sing their favorite songs. They cry out of happiness, they feel safe and, in a certain way,  at home.
The concert ends. And, as people start to leave the arena?
Explosion.
People hear a bomb go off.
People are trying to exit the arena, Joan Grande, Ariana’s mom, evacuates some fans that were in the front line backstage to keep them safe. Families run from the inside to the outside, only to find kids that got hurt due to the nail bomb that exploded. Kids and teenagers that had blood on the shirts they bought that day, the shirts where they had their favorite singer on.

22 deaths, 59 injured.

I can’t wrap my head around this. I just can’t believe something like this happened. Where’s humanity?

“I see humans but no humanity” – Jason Donohue.

Concerts are where most teenagers nowadays feel safe. It’s their escape from the real world and real problems. It’s where teenagers feel at their best, where everything feels right, where they have the time of their lives.

How can someone, I cannot even call that person a human or consider him one, kill himself and 22 other little/teenage girls?! It’s inhuman.
This is one of the most talked subjects of the week in social media and on the television. On social media people keep on retweeting and posting pictures of missing girls to try and get a hold of them. Everyone is showing support for the families, the injured and Ariana.

One thing I cannot agree on and that I’ve seen online, is how much pressure some were putting on the singer.

The poor girl wasn’t expecting something like this to happen, nor was anyone else.
People died at her concert. Of course she must feel guilty, even though it’s by far her fault. She’s probably just as traumatized as everyone who was at the Arena and all the family members that have lost someone that meant the world to them.
Ariana has spoken up about it, tweeting:

tweetphoto

Some were mad and didn’t understand how this was all she could say.
Well, to those who think that, let me tell you that just like I’ve mentioned above: Ariana is just as traumatized as the injured and the families.

On Twitter, there’s this statement circulating:
“Ariana was brought to the hospital due to being traumatized. She’s safe right now but on the way to the hospital she told Alfredo that she wants to end her career because she believes it’s her entire fault.”
Now, no one knows if this is the truth. Even though unfortunately, it seems very credible and understandable.

Grande does not need to come and make a statement when she’s feeling the same way we all are or certainly worse – hurt and heartbroken.
One thing I hope she knows and comes to understand is that she made those who lost their lives tragically, happy. They probably had the best day of their lives and that’s all thanks to Ariana. She isn’t the one to blame. Not one bit.

Instead of spreading negativity, asking why Ariana only tweeted such thing, blaming this on her “inappropriate” stage outfits (which is absolutely ridiculous” or even spreading the pictures that surfaced of Ariana arriving to Boca Raton – please spread all the possible positivity there is to spread.

Let’s not be scared. We cannot let this scare us to live our lives. Don’t stop going to concerts because of this, don’t stop living your normal life, don’t stop going out. We cannot show fear.

I hope this was a lesson for all the security at the arenas where concerts take place. Because simply looking down at an open backpack and asking for us to show the ticket isn’t enough.

You know airport security? Do something like that at concerts. It isn’t ridiculous, it isn’t over the top. It has to be done.
It isn’t rational to prohibit us from entering the arena with a bottle lid, but letting someone blow off a bomb outside.
Security should be on the inside and on the outside. We need to keep on feeling safe, and for that to happen some changes need to occur.

My prayers go to all the families who’ve lost a member, to all the injured and to Ariana and all of her team.
“But how we gonna
Stop the violence, stop the hurting
Stop the hatred, stop the murders
We’re all human, that’s for certain
Come together, we deserve it
(…)
“Hoping for better days, better days
Days when things are better.”

– ♡

 

Metaphor – half empty, half full.

Let’s imagine a cup of glass.
A really strong cup of glass.
One that’s really strong, yet fragile.
It’s filled with water. The water is almost pouring out of the cup. The water cannot drip off. It simply cannot. Rather it’ll pour out fast, and the glass object will be empty. Left with nothing but air and maybe some remnants or droplets of the water that had been inside.
The glass is now nothing but that – a fragile cup of glass.
Is the fact that the glass is empty a good or a bad thing?
The glass is empty, no more water inside, no more trying to make the liquid contain itself and not drop out.
The glass is full, the water slowly starts pouring down and it takes a long time for the cup to be empty, if it ever gets to that part, really.
The glass is full, the water freezes – turns into ice. The cup breaks. It’s gone. No more cup, no more water. Nothing.
Do you know what I mean?
The glass must be half empty/half full. Water and ice. Close to the sun but never too exposed to it. You can keep it in the fridge, but not for too long.
Don’t let everything freeze,
it’ll break with more ease.

– ♡

Mental Health Awareness Month – Anxiety.

May is one of the best months of the year. Not just because it’s the month I was born in, not just because it’s when Spring starts… but also because it is Mental Health Awareness Month.

Now, there couldn’t be a better subject for me to write about as my first ever article for TNG Magazine.
As someone that suffers with anxiety – diagnosed with a Generalized Anxiety Disorder – it is very “easy” to speak about something like this.
It makes me very happy that there is a month dedicated to such a fragile, serious and important subject like Mental Health.
Our generation is composed by teenagers who have anxiety, depression, bipolar disorders, schizophrenia… and so much more. But, unfortunately, this isn’t taken in count as it should. People don’t give it the respect it deserves, nor do they pay attention. I’m generalizing of course, because there are people like me that want to make others realize how much of an importance this has in our society and how much it affects us and the lives we want to live.

I just want to tell something to people that don’t understand this illness called Anxiety. I can only speak for this specific topic because it is what I’ve been suffering with the most.

  • Dear teachers, pressuring us, we that suffer with any type of anxiety,  into making oral presentations without previous mention isn’t going to help us overcome our anxiety. Saying “you’re overreacting” isn’t going to help. “Why are you even crying” is only going to make us cry more.
  • Be kind to us. Ask us if we feel comfortable. Try to find a way to make us feel at ease and actually present a work in front of the class – we know there is a solution, and it’ll be way easier to find if you show sympathy.
  • Classmates… if you know there is someone in your class or in school over all that suffers with anxiety, educate yourselves. Don’t keep on asking questions and make us feel suffocated. Make us feel like we have someone we can trust. Ask us if we need something. If we say we don’t, we mean it 99% of the time.

Anxiety isn’t something simple. It does not have a cure and it comes attached to other mental illnesses like depression. Someone who suffers with anxiety for too long and doesn’t seek for help, or feels helpless and stays in their own little comfort zone and bubble will most likely develop a depression.

If you suffer from any sort of mental illness please do speak up. To a teacher (one you know that will understand the situation if you explain it), to your parents, a friend, a therapist…

You’re not crazy for thinking everyone is looking at you when you enter a room or that everyone is pointing out and judging your clothes or how much you’re sweating when you’re in front of the whole class presenting a really cool work you know is actually pretty good and that will give you a good grade. You’re just anxious. You’re feeling anxious. Because you aren’t anxious – anxiety doesn’t define the person you are.

Focus on yourself. Every human has to take care of their selves, of their mind and body, the only difference is that some have to work more on it and really have some battles with their minds to try to find peace of mind.

Trust me, you’ll find it. You’ll find your balance, you’ll overcome most of your fears, you will do great things despite your anxiety.

Think of your anxiety as the ocean. Sometimes the waves are really high and if you want to go for a swim the tides are way too dangerous. What should you do? Should you just let yourself be guided by the tide to the dark side of the ocean?

No. You shall swim against the tide. It isn’t easy, it isn’t going to happen from one day to another. It might take months, it might take years, it might take your whole life. I’m not sugarcoating it.

I’ve been dealing with my Generalized Anxiety Disorder ever since I was in kindergarten (the 10 times I probably stepped foot there) and til I was 13 I was letting the tide guide me. It kept dragging me to a dark place, to somewhere where I was feeling lost and even more out of control. I needed help. I didn’t want to be swallowed by a big wave. I knew I needed help. And I got it.

At 13 years of age I started swimming against the tide. Slowly. The tide was so strong that at the beginning it kept pushing me back to where I was. But then I tried again… and again… and again… and now, at 17, I can say I do know how to swim and that the tide has gotten way shorter and it doesn’t have half the strength it did in the beginning.

Of course sometimes I still feel like the dark side misses me and it keeps shouting my name. Shouting for me to come back and drown in that horrible swirl. But I don’t. I just keep on swimming and swimming til I reach the shore. The shore where all good things are. My family, my friends, my music, my books… the peace of mind I’m finding and exploring.

You are going to live with your anxiety forever, but it isn’t going to have the same weight for the rest of your life – unless you let it. Seek for help. Talk to someone. Speak up. Don’t be afraid. You can do this, you can get better and you will. 

Take advantage of May being the Mental Health Awareness Month and take a step forward. Step out of your comfort zone, try to educate your fellow classmates or family members. Write your feelings and publish it in social media. You’ll be surprised with how many teenagers feel the same way.

Remember to swim against the tide. Remember that you’re not alone… and remember that every month should be a Mental Health Awareness Month.

– ♡