hi my name is admonished
sorry I mean adulterated
I mean accursed
I mean Addy
wait no nevermind
that can’t be my name
that doesn’t belong to me
it doesn’t match?
it’s not
mine
I think
∆
when I found out that there was a doll
who looked like me
who had hair like mine
who
wonder upon wonders
shared my name
addy: the black AMERICAN girl doll
I was ecstatic
I was young and naïve and so so so stupid
∆
when my mother found out there was a doll
who looked like
me
who had hair like
mine
who shared
my
name
she was disgusted
that’s a slave’s name
that girl was a slave
you
are not a slave
we are not her
we have history
we have a country
why would you want a doll that doesn’t come from where you come from?
but –
aren’t we both black, mother?
don’t we bleed red, mother?
don’t we get treated the same, mother?
ain’t no white man going to care that she was born here and I was born in Nigeria, ma
black is black is black is discrimination
she didn’t see it like I did
apparently
there are shades of black
∆
hi, my name is Adachukwu
wait, I mean Ada
you’ve never said it the way it should be said, so why should I give you what belongs to me?
but if you really care
you can call me
ah – dah – choo – koo
that’s how it’s pronounced
I think
the thing is
∆
I’ve spent so long shortening it for you
I’m not sure how it’s supposed to be said
the name my mother gave me
there’s the way my parents say it
loud and purposeful and like THEY KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN WHEN THEY SAY THINGS
adachukwu (igbo translation): first daughter of god
and there’s the way my friends say it
they don’t
and the way I say it (?)
adachukwu (rushed and mostly unsure and this? is what i mean and I’m sorry for my culture and my skin and my pronunciation and…)
but you are welcome to try
at least one of us should
∆
hi my name is not here
it left
it couldn’t stand the ambiguity
it’s changed so many times
it has lost its shape
I could try to remake it
but I don’t know who I’d be
the issue is
∆
juliet was wrong
about names
and the idea that life without romeo wasn’t worth living
at least in my case
under a pseudonym
false name
fake name
NOT MY NAME
I am not the same person
I am sure of that
∆
Addy was kind and sweet and always saw the best in people
Ada was apologetic
sorry I mean aborted
sorry I mean abrasive
sorry but
I am all that’s left
∆
∆
∆
*dial tone*
*click*
I’m sorry, but I don’t know who you’re talking about
she doesn’t live here anymore
she
left
please leave a name message
–anon
