me and the skies

FEATURED MAGE VIA SPACE.COM BY CORY POOLE

i like to think that the evening sky and my mind are the same.

twins from different times meeting so close, yet so far.

the evening sky wondering, worrying, if it would ever evolve into dark nothingness,

or if twinkling lights would poke through,

little stars like little spots of hope shining through the constant worry.

a constant thought that shifts between what if and when,

the thought of ‘what if one day, we collide,

smashing together into oblivion,’

turns into the question of ‘when? when will we explode together in a violent ray of colors and emotions?’

i often ponder how and why as well.

how will it happen?

why does it happen?

in my deep thoughts, i like to believe that the how is in a horrendously beautiful explosion,

feeling colors and seeing sounds,

experiencing a new bliss that is so peaceful, it’s almost violent.

and when it comes to why, i like to imagine it’s because of fate.

when everything came together, when our world formed

there was some small, microscopic being that was left in the debris of the beginning,

that was there, to one day make me and the sky collide,

to bring two lost souls, separated so long ago, together once again.

when i was little, i would watch the evening sky, transtion in such a slow way,

subtle,

quiet,

so you don’t notice it has changed until it’s already  happened,

and now, as i grow, as i transition, i find another common ground between me and the evening sky

both changing in tiny, little, sneaking ways,

until one day, you wake up and find,

i’ve reunited with my once lost twin, from another time

the lights that shine through

possible trigger warning, please continue reading at your own discretion. 

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the light that shines through

 

i love nothing more than the night skies,

angelic darkness and twinkling stars winking at me like a wise, old soul,

telling me that everything will be alright.

i wish for nothing more than to keep even one window open to hear the soft sounds of the night, so they can lull me to sleep,

see the things of the night that no one else sees so they can visit me in my dreams,

a secret between me and midnight,

but since i was just a girl i was told, ‘Mija, if you keep your curtain open then they will see you at night, they will climb up the ladder of your dreams so they can catch a peak of you changing into your Cinderella pajamas.’

if your curtains fall open just a tiny, sneaking inch, then when the cars drive past they will let their lights shine through into your room,

so all the peeping toms of the neighborhood can catch a glance of your sleeping face,

looking calm for once in your life because in your dreams you don’t have to worry about the registered sex offender on your street,

or the three registered sex offenders on your best friends street,

or the five registered sex offenders on your other best friends street

the lights from the cars cast shadows into your room that form into the man your mother told you about when you were six and you couldn’t understand why someone wanted to see you while you slept, while you were stuck in a vulnerable coma of candy land and sugar plums,

and now that you’re twenty-three, living on your own, you close your curtains but forget to triple check that they’re closed all the way,

and the next thing you know car lights are shining through to you and you’re six years old again wearing your princess pj’s and you call out for your mom,

but all you get in a response is a grown mans hand holding a rag against your face that smells like a

flowery,

sickly sweetly,

chemically smell,

and suddenly your eyes flutter shut and you no longer worry about the lights that shine through from the night skies

INSOMNIA

There’s always something so beautiful about the night,

you don’t usually notice that because you’re sleeping or you should be,

that’s what I keep telling myself,

everything still, natural as the day it was created

 

I twist, I turn, take another glimpse at the clock on the wall,

I sit there watching the hours go by, darkness turn to light

I hear the birds calling and with that comes the harsh reality,

This isn’t normal.

 

Everyone tells me to ‘chill out’, if only it was as easy as that,

I know it’s only sleeping but, it forms a big part of the bodies functions,

I’m not living anymore, I’m just existing

I sit in school, barely learning, I myself am barely functioning.

 

When will this end, when will I be myself again,

Everything I loved, everything I hated, it circulates in my mind

I want to get better but, I just don’t know how,

If there is a god up there, take me from this.

 

This poem is a short representation of how some people who suffer from insomnia feel, It’s always important that if you are having trouble sleeping, you let someone know whether that be a parent, a friend or a doctor.